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06 October 2008 @ 09:12 pm

Question: Is it wrong to get the pdf file of your source, photoshop it, print it out, and photocopy it? I don't think so, because it IS a real source. The only difference is, you never had it with you in the first place. And! It's not considered an internet source, because it's actually a real book. Ha.

*Desperately tries to outsmart the system*

I need more sourcessssssss
04 October 2008 @ 10:44 pm


I’ve been looking for the perfect material

Not the usual musings of unrequited like and teenage confusion and life

But something new –or old, more like


And finally, a development, a regression

Of skeletons and childhood memories and the institution

Of put downs and let downs and comparison

And all this time, its managed to worm its way out of its grave

Climbing the winding staircase, only to slide back down the banister

Nothing words of flattery and assurances could ever save.


It's neither the subject nor the cause

But the excuses the insensitive shadows whisper back

Their words are trying, and exciting and fighting

And they hang over like a foreboding storm

They could never understand, they’ll never learn


If only they knew, but they don’t

If only they cared, but they don’t
04 October 2008 @ 10:40 pm

Some people are so goddamned insensitive.
Nakakapikon na talaga, I swear. If you’ve got something to say about someone, if you’ve got some nasty remark about who I am or who I’m affiliated with, just keep it to yourself. It’s really disheartening to hear your friends practically insult you to your face. What makes it worse is when they say it so nonchalantly, as if it were just something to take lightly. And the worst part is, they don’t even care. They don’t even realize the gravity of the words they say, how much it pierces to the bone, how it makes all the skeletons I’ve been trying so hard for so many years to bury, resurface.

 Some people are so goddamned hypocritical.
Before you say something about me- or anyone, for that matter, why don’t you take a long close look at your reflection in the mirror, long enough to see not only the external, but your very soul. It could be heartless, I don’t know. From what I’ve been witnessing, nothing seems to beat in between your ribs. Ikaw, higit pa sa lahat, ay ang pinaka- –Fuck it. I can’t even find the Tagalog word for it. If there were, it would mean so much more.

 Some people are so goddamned tactless.
It wouldn’t hurt you, it won’t cost you an arm and a leg to say things in stride. I’m not suggesting you sugarcoat things. By all means, be as frank as you wish – I hate people who sugarcoat things. But there is always a way to say things. Not in passing, not meaning to be overheard or parinig. Say it to my face, but in such a way that dignifies myself as a human being. Kasi ikaw, tao. Ang tao, inirerespeto. Hindi dapat binabastos. Tao rin ako, kailangan ko rin ng respeto. Hindi mo lang ako puwedeng iabuso ng ganyanan lang.

 And yet, some people can be really perceptive. To those who know, to those who have experienced exactly what I’ve experienced; to those who know what it’s like to be compared, to be put down, to be made felt as if she were lesser of a person, I salute you.

 To everyone else, I think I’ve said enough, but still not as much as you have.

 You know it’s bad when I start writing in Filipino.

04 October 2008 @ 10:36 pm
I wish these words were enough
To grate and exhilarate raw emotion
Until the tears seep through the cracks
Salty and biting, they sting my eyes
The taste reminds me of autumn yesteryears
Of silly dreams
And irrational childhood fears
Could it you have escaped my selective memory?
I don't want to remember,
But i don't ever want to forget.

04 October 2008 @ 10:27 pm
Everytime i'm on the road, whether i'm in the backseat or in the passenger seat, i like to look out my window. Watching the cars on the road, the people crossing the street, and the changine traffic lights is so relaxing - contrary to popular belief. I like traffic, at least when i'm not driving. (As if i drive, haha) I find myself contemplating on matters of life, love, and everything else in between. 

A woman crosses the street hurriedly, an umbrella in hand and a basket of her pamalengke in the other; what could she possible by thinking? Of the meal she has to cook for her five children?

A young lady clad in all white carries a bundle of textbooks - could she be thinking about college, her future career, her schoolwork?

I'm no mind reader, but watching these people, these everyday Filipinos go about their businesses while i go about mine makes me wonder just what goes on in their minds. We all lead different lives, we all have different goals, different expectations, different dreams. But we all live one life.

Yesterday is over, that date in the calendar hanging in your room can be crossed out. July 29 2008 will never happen again in history, and the things i did today, belong to today. I guess one can never really do much, but live their life day to day. Minute per minute. Because if you i keep thinking about the future, college, the test tomorrow, who i texted yesterday, what will happen to now?


03 October 2008 @ 08:42 pm
This is my real journal.

I update another LJ, one where my cyber friends equals my real life friends. One where everyone has full access to my private feelings. But i can't say everything i want to say. I could privatize my entries, but c'mon. Where's the fun in that?

People judge, and people are hypocrites. People are, and people feel. Feelings are neither right nor wrong.

I'm just looking for my own little corner in the World Wide Web, where one little emo entry won't cause a week's worth of stares and empty lunchbreaks. I'm just looking to be able to express my feelings, without running the risk of being judged.

Or you could judge me, but then again, you don't know me.

I just need a break.

So, add me up?

Love, Random person from the internet (Yes, i'm a person too.)

P.S. I am not some crazy psychopath stalker. Just a borderline-emo teenager.With flat feet.